The Evolution of a Yoga Teacher - (Have I fallen out of love with Yoga?)
Do we fail or just evolve? That was the question raised during a very generous chat with a lovely friend yesterday ….and it got me thinking, why am I no longer in love with being a Yoga teacher? Have I actually fallen out of love with Yoga? Or am I just transitioning into something new? Like a caterpillar into chrysalis and then onto a butterfly? That beautiful analogy of finding your wings and flying high…
Was I indeed a failed Yoga teacher or was I something new? Why couldn’t I see this as a positive move? Or am I just on the infamous ‘Yoga Journey’, that many find themselves on?
There are a million and one blog posts about this out there. Ok Ok I’m exaggerating but it’s a hot topic in the Yoga world. I’ve chatted with many Yoga teachers about this, the feeling of over giving, burning out or just plain exhausted from the mixed hours and rushing from pillar to post while juggling a family life. It’s a very real portrayal of life as a Yoga teacher. It’s what many find themselves doing in order to pay the bills. Edward Vilga writes an interesting and honest view about his journey which parallels this view in- 7 Truths About Being A Yoga Teacher That No One Will Ever Tell You
It’s a very real reality and I can certainly verify most of what Edward says. It’s like any relationship, you’ll have good days, you’ll have bad and in order to keep a balanced perspective you’ll need to let off steam. Jessicca Rabone writes her confessions in an open and honest article about her existence as a Yoga teacher, that I’m sure many can relate to once qualified. Like any mental health matter, there is no shame in counselling and finding a mentor in order to navigate the wonderful world that is Yoga. Although what I have usually found, is that I am best placed at answering my own questions.
So back to feeling a failure….Why was I feeling like this? I guess number one is the feeling of letting others down that constant need to please others first, before I please myself, in that subservient nature that I’ve cultivated over the years and is so hard to shake off. I have made progress on this. The 8 week mindfulness course by Jon Kabat Zinn makes a lot of reference to putting your life jacket on first before you are able to help others, learning to surf as he puts it. And there is no real shame in taking a sabbatical whilst you figure out what you need to do. Luckily this is where Lockdown and the Coronvirus Pandemic has been a godsend it’s naturally brought about a time of reflection. Well it did after the initial melt down and getting used to the confinement with the family. How have you found this period? Has it brought about a sense of calm or panic for you? A change of direction perhaps? Or a much needed full stop on a life that was living you, rather than the other way around.
After getting over my ego ...which actually is what it’s all about. And letting go of any pre existing blueprints. Which is what any good yoga teacher who is worth their weight in gold will tell you to try. I was able to understand the path that was now appearing in front of me. My change of direction wasn’t so much of a fail, more of that chrysalis moment I was talking about earlier. My metamorphosis into something new, that was more inline with how I saw myself in the future. WHAT!!, I can hear you shout now “what about living in the moment?” Yes I do hear you and it’s something that I have battled my whole life with. But this is part of the lesson. Enabling you to understand the fine balance that life is, the delicate dance that we must waltz. Balancing the Yin and Yang Being in the now and allowing enough striving to keep you in an upward trajectory, moving forward in a positive way.
And this is when the eureka effect struck. The massive lightbulb moment opening my eyes up to what could be. It flashed above my head in a huge euphoric moment of “By jove I think she’s got it” with angels praising and that ahhhhh sound sung by a choir in the heavens above. You’re in the moment right now aren’t you? Singing along with those angels , beaming that smile because my god when it happens it’s this huge shout of YES! With a fist pump action and perhaps a bit of Tom Cruise jumping on a sofa if you know what i mean? If you don’t watch here. It wasn’t so much of a failure but an evolution! The next step on from what I had always intended on doing. Getting more people to appreciate Yoga and movement and getting more people over any mental health and physical health challenges they may have. After all the most common phrase I heard was “why didn’t I start this sooner?”
Roo Betty is able to open me up to bigger arenas in which I can shout even louder to even more people. Hoping that I can help even more people find an equilibrium in health and wellness.
And that's where I am, except I am now walking in a slightly different direction, still along the same path, well sort of. Except this path will be as smooth as the last. Because with every door that closes, another opens and a new path stretches out in front with its bumps, twists and turns With new challenges and lessons to be learnt. So don’t fear the change, don't battle the invisible fight, let go and lean in because after all THIS is the subtle art of living.
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