Bracelets, they’ve been around for years. Over 7000 years to be sort of precise. We just love this concise history written by Overstock.com here But what Ruth of Roo Betty loves doing the most is going to museums and having a actual in real life look at the history that is jewellery. From the ancient Greeks to more modern Victorians, jewellery has been really important to many many people. And somewhat important to me, Ruth, throughout my life.
So what is it that I love about bracelets and jewellery? Well I’ve had a fascination with anything that sparkles since I was a young girl. Magpieish in my nature I’m attracted to the shiny and glittery. I’ve worn all the rings and all the bracelets for as long as I can remember, I’ve even had the broken ones melted down and made into bangles and new rings. Kinda recycling but also embracing that they are part of my history and I don’t want to let them go. I have life bangles and life rings, that are part of ancestors and memories that I don’t wish to let go of. They are dear to my heart and are memories of a moment in time. I even did a project for Horsham Museum styling their Victorian Death Jewellery, which I absolutely loved doing. The past holds pain, as well as fascination for me.
You may be wondering just this?, or perhaps you’ve heard all the sensationalised success stories of“how Yoga has changed my life”. Yeah I know it all sounds a bit….well...you know….REALLY? As a Yoga teacher battling a mental health disorder and lifelong depressive illness I may just well be the right person to ask, if indeed Yoga will change your life because I’ve been there, done that ….and got the t-shirt to prove it. (if you taken a look at the Roo Betty store you will in fact already know that)
So let’s start at the very beginning what makes me qualified to answer this question. Well...I’ve suffered from depression my whole life from my early teens to mid forties. I’ve been on medication which at times has helped a bit. I’ve chatted to health professionals and I’ve been diagnosed Bi Polar II. I’ve been suicidal and numb, I’ve cried for days and not wanted to leave my house, and I’ve painted on the smile and talked myself into leaving the front door. I’ve coped and managed at work, whilst having a family and I have a million and one coping strategies. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. I’m now off my medication and surfing through life's highs and lows. But how did I get to this point and how did yoga help?
I woke up this morning with an extra special spring in my step. Not only is the cleaner coming round in a bit, so i did the usual clean before the cleaner bit , making beds, picking up shit (not literally) off the floor and making sure there weren't any shit stains in the loo. Sorry for all the shit so early on in this blog. But because this day is sunny and bright there is a certain buzz to it.
So first let's dispel the myth that you need a big house to have a cleaner. Believe me the day I actually took the plunge to get one was a herald of angels moment, sparkly lights, a chorus sung from the heavens and from that moment on my life took an unexpected turn for the better. God did I miss her over lockdown. It’s not that I don’t have to clean on other days because believe me I still do the odd bit and every now and then a complete blitz of all the corners and the cobwebs. Because you’ll understand that 2 hours of cleaning in a 4 bed house once a fortnight doesn’t quite make it spotless. But what it does do is make it manageable.
For years we have battled our mental health. Trying to hold it all together at school or work, only to get back home and it all to fall apart and unravel. Either in a waterfall of tears or a torrent of abusive words directed at ourselves and others, all with self hate as the headline. If you can relate to this then I hope that what I am about to write helps you.. I’m writing this because I get it. I’m writing this because for years I tried to fit in and as a result medicated myself on a daily basis. At first it helped with the symptoms but over time gave way to a vicious cycle of wellness, before descending back into self hate and misery only for the repeat to fade technique to be adopted. Until one day I stood up to my mental health, got to know it intimately and learnt how to make it work for me rather than the other way round.
Apparently everything needs a label now. God forbid you have to actually find out something about someone by talking to them. It appears nobody wants to be surprised or learn to love someone's quirkiness or god forbid open a tin and be amazed with the contents. Because without the label who are you really?. What makes you tick, which illness do you have , what disability or “fault” or reason for not being able to do something, can all be defined by the label you’ve given yourself. We all need to know which label we fit in to. Supposedly making it easier for us to find our tribe, the people we fit in with. Google at the moment is profiling my searches to offer me the news it thinks I want to read right now, labelling me daily in order to give me “the best news experience for me”.(it doesn’t by the way it just gets really samey and boring and makes me switch off) In marketing you’re asked to niche down and find your “perfect customer” by listing, to the smallest of detail, anything about your ideal client that may be of use in singling out that client. It’s quite exhausting, and if you’re interested I have attempted to do it on several occasions. Resulting in a really not very useful profile of a person, who, I very much doubt, actually exists.
My hands are red raw from over washing them and my nerves frayed. It’s Monday 4th January and the stress has already started to rise although i'm not sure it even abated. School is off or more to the point school is online. Combined with Monday morning (which in my experience have never been all that great) I am now learning Google Classroom at 8.55am - School started at 8.40am. The presumption that my 11 year old would be fully literate in this, after 4 months at school is starting to fade. The tempers have risen, the shouting has commenced, there are already tears from everyone and right now I just want to go back to bed and hide under the duvet.
“How are you today?”....a chorus of “Fines” may now be firing back at me ….and again I will ask that question…”How are you really? ”Don’t worry this isn’t a test, this is just me a mental health warrior, survivor if you wish, who through 30 plus years experience has navigated her mental health, analysed it, been to all the therapists and come out the other side a little wiser. Still learning but actually feeling more in control.
This isn’t a boast by the way, just an offer of help, a kind word of solidarity because I understand because I’ve been there, still go there. First hand experience if you wish that I’m giving to you because I care.
The nights are drawing in and there’s definitely an autumnal whiff to the air. However you feel about Autumn (or “the Fall” if you’re from across the pond) you can’t really escape the change of the seasons. Well certainly not this year, what with that Covid spanner in the works. There’s no jet setting to sunnier climes for a while (not for us anyway) and so we’re left in our Northern Hemisphere bubble and dreading thelooming clock changeso we ask -
“How can we make this clock change positive for our Mental Health”
If you’re reading this ….then Suicide may have been on your mind? I don’t need you to answer that by the way...but if you’ve heard a voice in your head , please don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed. I want to dispel some myths about suicide and also offer a voice of support and help to anyone who may be experiencing these thoughts.
Today isNational Suicide Awareness day. On this day we remember those lost…we think of those left behind and we reach out to those in the darkness (I try to do this most days but you know, a day is a day to sucker punch it to you).
Do we fail or just evolve? That was the question raised during a very generous chat with a lovely friend yesterday ….and it got me thinking, why am I no longer in love with being a Yoga teacher? Have I actually fallen out of love with Yoga? Or am I just transitioning into something new? Like a caterpillar into chrysalis and then onto a butterfly? That beautiful analogy of finding your wings and flying high…
Was I indeed a failed Yoga teacher or was I something new? Why couldn’t I see this as a positive move? Or am I just on the infamous ‘Yoga Journey’, that many find themselves on?
Today is like wading through treacle. Well that’s how it feels. Everything is on go slow like a bad film playing out in front of me. Even lifting my head hurts …..I just want to cry.
Anything and everything you suggest will be met with disdain, I want to shout, scream, cry, smash things up all at the same time. I just feel plain irritable over nothing in particular. It’s times like this I debate whether going back on my medication will be helpful? I feel very contrary and awkward and just plain NO!!!
Mental Health in the workplace is always in the spotlight and as someone who works for themselves and is also a stay at home mum, I have those dark days just as much as when I worked in an office, except this time there’s no chat in the staff room orbar of chocolateplaced on my desk by a caring colleague. But hang on in there my lovely, hear me out, for a little Procrastination doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom! I’m gonna stick my neck out and sayprocrastination could actually be your BEST FRIEND!!
